Yes, I admit it. I love Master P. The Prince-meister. The guy Reality Steve calls P-Lo [he says it with snark, I say it with love]. The man Lincee calls Prince Chach.
He. Is. Just. So. Adorable.
Oh sure, I could give you a long list why....
1) The Snark. Bring on Snarky McSnarkerson!
2) At the same time he seems like a very serious person.
3) His sense of adventure. I love that he seems like a risk taker. So he doesn't speak Italian! Sure it's a little odd his parents didn't send him to Italian school, but it doesn't make him deficient as a human being. Geez. That doesn't mean he doesn't LIVE life. I love people who LIVE life.
3) He is diplomatic while not being a two-faced BS-er; a very very hard line to walk -- I can't do it! If I have a problem with you...boy are you going to know it. I admire anyone who can keep their personal integrity whilenot being hurtful to others. That just...my mouth drops open at that.
4) The very chach-ness of him that Lincee snarks on. There is something very goofy and yet endearing about him. He is self-deprecating. He doesn't take himself [and the lofty Prince title] oh-so-seriously. He's comfortable with himself.
5) Yes as I have heard, there are a million drunken ex-fratboys in the Short Hills area who have more money and are better looking and you can meet them in any bar on a Sat night. You know what, they also probably have HUUUUUUUUGE.... egos. Not a fan of the Too Huge Ego. Refer to No. 4.
6) When he has something to say... even if it's difficult... even if it's to someone kind of crazy [Oh Erica, oh Erica] he says it. He says it and he takes what's coming like a man. Not like a weasel. Come ON, you have to admire that in a person.
7) There's nothing phony about him. He is upfront about who he is and what he wants, and he doesn't back down.
8) He can carry on a conversation! Unlike most of the girls -- and I mean GIRLS -- he has been paired up with. I love how once in a while he will lob the conversational ball right over the net...right TO them... and wait in vain for them to lob in back. They just stand there blinking and and smiling vacantly. One or two migh tactually notice the ball... they stand there and actually watch it sail on past. Nobody ever picks up a verbal tennis racket and *WHAM!* right back over the net. It's like you can SEE him heave deep sigh.... and then the mental shrug and the giving up.
9) He is not shallow. Oh so important! He is aware of class issues and issues of privildge! He actually beleives it's not fair to judge somebody bc they were not born with the same privildge and advantages that others are born with. Holy moly! Vatican or no Vatican, this is a prince among men!
Before this season I have never really watched "The Bachelor." I did watch one entire season, just bc I used to snark on people who would watch that tripe. I felt perhaps I should at least know what I was being so dismissive about. And since then I have caught a few episodes in, I think 2 of the seasons? Mostly I am simply not home when it comes on, and I never remember to watch it when I am.
I taped the first episoide of this season specifically bc I was interested in seeing how the perceived class issues would play out -- if at all. They showed promos of some girl wearing a tiara and talking about how *she* is a real princess [oh Erica, oh Erica] and another girl who was, from her accent, obviously from a working class part of Chicago's south side. Would either of these girls attract a man billed as "a prince"? I really wanted to see if background and social class would play a part.
And then I watched it [well, the first hr, bc I did not understand in Bachelor-land that it would be 2 hours] and then... I had to watch it again.
Because of HIM. Wow. I mean, really Wow. I didn't even notice what he looked like. Don't get me wrong -- he is quite good looking. But he is not a movie star cover boy like the other Bachelors I have seen pictures of. He looks like a [rather good looking] ordinary guy I might see on the streets of Chicago just hanging out. It was his personality. I loved his facial expressions, and the sly little humorous comments he made that none of these women seemed to register. And th emore I watched him, the more I came to the last one:
10) He's hot.
Everything about him. Hot!
But it's not just about looks. See No. 5. There are a ton of good looking guys out there. Brad Pitt is hot. Tom Cruise is hot. George Clooney is hot. But none of them make my lil heart go pitter pat. It's about personality. It's about soul.
Now look, I know this guy is supposed to have picked one of these silly sorority bikini girls as his One True Love and I totally respect that [and I think, for that to happen, that they must actually be a lot smarter than The Bachelor Producers allow us to see...at least, I pray that is true]. But I think he and I could be really great friends. He has all the qualities I LIKE in a friend, y'see. Male, female, old, young, hetero, homo, omni, prince, pauper, beggarman, thief.
So here's the deal, Mister B. I know you are all in love/have a girlfriend, AND even if you didn't, if the girls on The Bachelor are your type then I certainly don't fit that spec. But I think we could still have a lot of fun. So if you come to Chicago, say to promote the show or your company or just for fun, give me a call.** Hit me up. I will take you on a tour of some Chicago delights that even most natives never see. You will have a blast. Bc I am a hoot and a half, I swear. And because I don't need your money [I make my own, thanks] it will all be on me. It won't be a fancy-schmancy trip to italy, but I swear you will have fun. And if you don't well... well. Hm. Is that possible? I guess. Well, what are you out -- a few hours of your time. And if you DON't have fun, it will not be my fault!
** oh yes I know, you wonder, how in the world are you supposed to CALL me. Well, I am sure a smarty pants could figure it out eventually but to make it easy....I am registered on the company website, my initials are MB and my work zip is 60025, and home is 60195 [or maybe 60169 -- it's supposed to be 60169 but it just changed so it could be either one in there]. So ya get on the horn and ya call your little sales monkeys, and you tell them to look in your nifty sales database for a female registered with those initials, and those work [60025] and home [60169] zip codes. How many could there be? And there are my phone numbers. Home and cell. The work number begins [after area code] with 486. There. No problemo. And then you give me some notice, like a day or so, so I can take off work if I need to or make arrangements. And off we go! Whee!
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